Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I Think We Should...actually.

HAHA! PLEEEEEEEEAASE tell me y'all saw the Bachelorette last night! And PLEASE tell me it wasn't the funniest thing you've ever seen when Wes got the "Fantasy Suite" invitation...

What a tool.

Recap if you didn't see it.

Wes = Schmuck.
Jillian = Reinforced the stereotype that girls (in general) choose the bad boy/arrogant/self-consumed jerks and don't have any desire to give the "good guys" a chance.

PS. No. I am still not bitter about her sending Jake home.

Guy on the right... his name is tool.

Everyone can see through Wes... and really, I think she can, too. But she is going to prove everyone wrong... with a little bit of time, she is going to be the one girl that is able to make Wes like her more than he likes himself. (And boy isn't that a tall order!) There is something about "the chase" of a so-called bad boy that most girls just can't resist. When you have 20 other guys swooning over you... and one that plays it cool, most girls enthusiastically accept the challenge. But that can only last so long... at some point, defeat must be admitted. But not yet.

They meet in Barcelona. Jillian is quick with "I miiiissssed you!". Wes responds with, "Yeah, whatever. You say that to all the boys." hahaha 1 point to Wes!

"Wes and I have always had a special bond. I brought Wes here because I chose to trust him on his hometown date." Yeah. And what? Mr. Perfect Jake is all of a sudden a liar? (Gasp! at the thought!)

Why is it that you trust a person that EVERYONE warns you about? Oh, right. Answer: "I want Wes to be that man that I think he is. I adore him, I want to give him that chance..."


I've got BINGO here!!! She has already made assumptions of what she wants Wes to be, what she hopes Wes will become. In other words, she is having a non-existent relationship in her head with a man that is imaginary. Isn't it fun when people create the reality they want and then act like it is real life?

"...and even if I do trust Wes, I am here to figure out if me and Wes are right together. And I need to spend time together with Wes to make my own decision."

Such a big girl. You make your own decision.

Side note... was I the only one that wanted to throw a rock at the TV when she said "Weehhh-eeessssssssssssssss" like 400 times? Is that the only flirtatious retort you can come up with against forced banter from a city slickin', wanna-be cowboy?

Unauthentic Country singing...Tool.

So anyway... they coincidentally pulled up their cruisers to a random gazebo and found a picnic spread awaiting them. That probably wasn't planned. And it was probably someone else's food. ;)

Bike ridin Tool.

Jillian sat most uncomfortably with her legs in a perfect L-stretch, pre-run position while Wes sat so far from her he had to raise his voice to be heard. Meanwhile Jillian notably analyzed every word that came out of his mouth. She posed the question of him being the "one"... and asked him how it would work out in terms of relocating. He gracefully answered, "That bird has no foot!! What's wrong with me? #$*@#!"

Then after a painfully long pause... and reassured her with, "I think we'll be just fine". Translation: We'll be just fine, because I'm not the one and my pretty boy self belongs in the city with my girlfriend. (Who I must say, must have some major self-respect issues. I couldn't imagine dating a guy who had the audacity to even suggest a thing like going on a reality dating show for publicity. Talk about desperate! Could you imagine all of your friends... and your parents!! (gasp!) watching Mr. Schmuck kiss another woman and fight for her affections?! Pretend or not, I would never want to show my face around town with that sneaky snake again!)

It doesn't require a PhD in body language to come to the conclusion that Wes isn't into Jillian... AT ALL. Remarkably, Jillian just figured this out. (Perhaps her PhD in naive counteracted her PhD in body language... which was also evident when she willingly allowed Mr. Tanner-foot-fetish-creep to get his jollies with her feet. Why did she keep some weirdo deviant around for so long? Oh, that's right... they both enjoyed the knowledge they shared of nail polish colors. Mango Mango, anyone?)


But that's not the good part. So they go to dinner... He goes ahead of her to pull out her chair an announces in a mumble something about being a "gentleman here". hahaha UMMM... HELLO?? If you have to point out that your actions are gentlemanly, the odds are... you are NOT a gentleman! Real gentleman perform thoughtful actions like pulling out chairs and opening doors... without even thinking about it! It is natural. They don't draw attention to it because they don't have to!! What an idiot.

Awkward. Tool.

So they sit down... and the conversation is the only thing more awkward than the body language.
He took charge of making things right with, "I'd like to clear the table... clear the air... whatever." Yeah, Mr. Smooth. You do that. You clear that table... you clear the air... clear the room...do what you gotta do.

He boldly revealed that his manager thought it would be a great idea to come on the show... so long as he did not leave after the first episode.


And he made perfect sense when he logically explained, "If I came here to sell records, I've already played you a song. I've already did the full band thing... I've already showed you what I do... why would I still be here?" Ummm... What is a free trip to Spain?? DING. DING. Correct answer, Melissa! You are a true master of the obvious! And our new Jeopardy! champion! Johnny! Tell her what she's won!

Oh...hi girlfriend in Austin. I'm a tool.

Then... when Jillian starts calling him out on his obvious behavior and confronts why he has shown her NO affection all day... including not even a single kiss... he responds with... "I am thinking... what if she doesn't want to kiss me? What if I try to kiss her and she turns away! *while physically demonstrating with a turn of the cheek*" hahaha! Yeah, buddy. She picked you to be in her final FOUR in Spain... because she is afraid to kiss you. Never mind the fact that you've ALREADY kissed in previous episodes. That was a good one. You are really quick on your feet.

Oh hey! Tool.

He then swooned her with sweet nothings like, "I'm not here to hurt you, but I have to be true to myself. Numero uno is most important here."
Number one is most important here?? What does that even mean? I will marvel at the philosophical weight and significance of such an eloquent morsel of claptrap for many a days.

I'm thinking of a word... and it begins with T... Oh yeah! Tool.

Then Jillian starts grilling him about this so-called girlfriend named Laurel. She asks why she broke up with him... because of our...uh... differences. It took Laurel six years to realize that you two had differences??

I didn't really get the next part... she asks him to pretend that she is Jake and to replay exactly what he told him... word for word. So he starts out, I told him... "My girlfriend.... I mean ex girlfriend..." And that completed his sentence. So... was he trying to reenact how Jake could have misinterpreted his "slip up" by calling his ex-girlfriend his girlfriend? OR did he slip up to Jillian? I think it was the first scenario... but the continuous previews and replays of those few words seem to be some huge revelation. I thought it was overacted and overplayed. And quite corny. And part of me (or, more accurately, MOST of me) feels like this is all set up anyway. So he "supposedly" slips up that he has a girlfriend... pauses... and says nothing further.

No, no... it gets better!!


This is my favorite part... EVER. The waiter (or stage hand... or whoever) delivers the envelope which contains the loosey goosey fantasy suite room key. He reads the invitation out loud... la dee dah... this and that... if you should decide to forego your individual rooms... you have the option of spending the night together in the loosey goosey fantasy suite room.

Looky who we have here... a tool.

So the whole night of awkwardness rests upon this moment. So obvious that he is going home at this point... so obvious that he is a schmuck... but just in case there was even a single person with any doubt... Wes pauses, deep in thought... and says (in a voice that could only resemble Bill Clinton, himself):

I THINK WE SHOULD.... Actually.

hahahaha!!!! Seriously? It was the most weird, uncomfortable, gauche, uncouth, bizarre, perplexing, unfathomable and completely perfect response... one you can only expect from Mr. Schmuck face himself.

haha... that's right. Tool.

Needless to say, she decided to "skip" that invitation... suddenly realizing that "it was really clear that he has something to hide." She continued to commentate that she knows he has a girlfriend but more than anything... she really just feels sorry for him. And to evidence that, she held his hand all the way to the cab. Awww... well that was sweet.

I suppose I do commend her for choosing to NOT partake in the fantasy room invitation (One of the things I hate most about the show... I have a major opposition with this, morally.) Except of course with Ed... who I have a bad feeling about, too. I'll tell you what... I think he is a sneaky snake, too. Not in terms of having a girlfriend... but in terms of being completely self-absorbed. Test me, you will see. Although none of them particularly stand out to me... I think my vote is for Reid. He seems to be the most genuine, sincere guy of the bunch. And I "get" his humor. Even if he is a little goofy. I loved how Jillian got so "turned off" by Kipton saying that an engagement might be far off. What? 12 weeks... or however long this show goes on for... isn't long enough? And out of those weeks... you have MAYBE 4 one-on-one dates?

Seriously though, wouldn't you LOVE to see a bachelorette where they made these guys plan, choose and fund their own dates with her? I mean... isn't that reality? And isn't this a reality show? Forget a 12 day train ride through the rocky mountains... or enjoying a view of the world from an ice lounge... or frolicking around in a public fountain in Spain (with disgusted bystanders watching in horror).

I want to see every single guy take her out to Outback (yes, this is a special occasion!) and then to a movie or some putt putt. And that is as creative as it ever gets. Or having to choose real love... between a guy that can only afford dinner and a movie... or enjoy the fabulous lifestyle of a guy that can afford to jet away to an exotic island. Lets see where these girls hearts really are. I'm pretty sure it is easy to fall in love with just about anyone when your time is occupied with over-the-top activities and globe-trotting. What happens when the big bucks of Hollywood aren't making these average guys seem so cool? And seriously... why does every home town date display fabulous mansion homes for their families? Do they pre-screen these guys to make sure their family is wealthy?? I mean, c'mon. Where's the reality?
Should we keep watching this unrealistic circus of a show upon which nothing is grounded in reality and everything is filled with forced drama that is probably scripted anyway?!?

I think we should... actually. ;)


  • b is for brown said...

    i have yet to see one episode and this was hysterical! i loved every minute of it.

  • b is for brown said...

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • molly june. said...

    baHAAA!! you KILL ME!!! i love you so much more now :D

    okay, last night was the very first time i watched the show! i know, right? & i was cracking up the whole time!! it was the best! & that guy is com-ic-al!! i think he's the smart one! she's the IDIOT :) just sayin! he got more publicity from this little scant than his little tool heart ever imagined it could! awesome. my favorite part was the limo ride home. & then her left with the rest of the nerd alert gang. she's not into any of them. they're all dorks..i can tell the sparks aren't there just from her body language in one episode! they just don't do it for her.

    there. rant over. from a girl who's seen the show once :D i think wes deserves a freakin' trophy! ya, i said it.

    p.s. can we still be friends? ;)

  • Brett Alexandra said...

    WOW! That is so crazy! I just showed my husband your husband's picture on here and he recognized him. How long have you been in K-rock? Do you have an email? :)